i am reminded


i'm not sure when it happens. i mean, on paper, i know exactly when it happened. i know the date, the time, the weather. i know what i wore and the scent in the air. i know everything, but i just don't know when it happens. 

this weekend, we went to go visit my mom. we turned down her street and i saw his car parked in front of the house (his car was recently purchased by a family friend). my heart immediately jumped. and then it happened. i was reminded. i said "wow, i saw dad's car and thought DAD IS HERE!" i was reminded. it happened.

 was that it? was that the moment? i'm not sure. or maybe it happened when i play with my daughter. she will be laughing and i will just stop and look at her. i am reminded.

or maybe when my day isn't going exactly as i had planned. it use to just take a 5 minute phone call to fix it. it use to just take a "best kid, best dad" and i would be ready to conquer the world.

now it takes a little bit more.

i am reminded by lights on the tree. i am reminded by a movie. it happens daily. when my daughter was born. on father's day. it seems as if life just continues on. not sure how, but it does. 

it's been over a year and i am not sure it will ever happen. maybe it's not suppose to happen. maybe you're never really suppose to accept that they aren't here. that you can't call them. you can't "stop by real quick". i am reminded everyday. it happens everyday.




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